Worrying about Taal

“Since worrying takes away your appetite and your sleep it’s not good for you, but you can’t stop worrying, therefore you get additionally worried that you are worrying, and then furthermore because that is quiet absurd, and you are mad at yourself because you do it, you are worried because you worried because you worried” -Alan Watts

Three days before I was scheduled to fly to the Philippines, the Taal Volcano erupted on the Sunday before grounding all flights to and from the country. I found out about it through a picture of a news article my friend sent me and for the next three days I didn’t stop hearing about it. That morning I went from happy anticipation toward my trip to feeling sick with apprehension. It was impossible to not worry, the uncertainty of something yet to happen and the fear that my trip would be ruined. My flight to the Philippines was on January 15th to Manila, but I had to go to Seoul on the 14th and spend the night there, on the 16th I had a flight to Coron in the province of Palawan from Manila and on the 17th I was starting my open water scuba certification course. If my flight was canceled or delayed all of my plans would have been irrelevant. I had already paid around $100 to do the online portion for scuba, you need at least a day after flying before scuba diving and even if I arrived a day or two later there was no way of knowing if the scuba place would have any openings.

Two days before my flight the news got even worse, the Philippines raised their alert level to 4, indicating that a hazardous eruption was possible within hours to days. My worrying intensified. I received messages from friends and family asking me “any news?” I wanted to write back “look for yourself! I don’t know” but instead I’d reply “as of now my flight is still scheduled, but anything can happen” I know their questions were out of concern and love, but it’s difficult to “forget” about it and accept the news as it comes when I was constantly being reminded of the uncertainty of my situation.

I believe that what I felt wasn’t worry, but rather anxiety toward the unknown. The nights leading up to my flight I had trouble sleeping as my thoughts drifted out in all directions, constructing an unlimited amount of uncertain future possibilities. When I got on the bus toward Seoul on the 14th I still didn’t know, when I woke up on the 15th the first thing I did was check my flight status and it was still as scheduled. When I got on the flight I was still uncertain, if the volcano erupted while we were in the air we’d turn around and head back to Korea. When I arrived in Manila I let out a long breath that I had been holding for the last three days, but it wasn’t over yet. I had my flight to Coron the next day and if it erupted, I’d not be able to go. When I checked in at the hostel I asked if flights were going out and she said “yes” with a hint of why wouldn’t they be behind it. For three days my life consisted of the Taal Volcano, but once in the Philippines, it’s as if it no longer existed. The following day I landed in Coron and all my worries were laid to rest.