Imagine everything we know that makes up a wedding, now imagine none of that. That’s what a Korean wedding is like.
This Saturday I went to the wedding of one of the teachers I work with. Before actually going to the wedding I’ve heard about how different from weddings in the U.S; they don’t have a celebration, they aren’t big events, they’re called factory weddings by Koreans themselves, most of the people invited are invited by the parents, everyone they know because it’s expected even if you don’t go to give $50-$100. A friend of mine went to one of his teacher’s weddings and ended up sitting through the ceremony of a different wedding because it was in the same room, but hadn’t finished yet. The way I imagined it was that it’d be in a medium-sized conference room with extremely bright led lights, a small stage like a basement church and a podium in the middle with some guy reading off a card introducing the couple.
When I first walked into the wedding building I was overwhelmed. There were a lot of people in the lobby, signs for what floor and room your bride and groom are getting married in. Luckily, outside after parking my car I saw one of the teachers I worked with and he showed me where to go. First floor, easy. Right outside the wedding room, there was a big wedding photo of the couple and a book of professionally done wedding photos. Anyone of the photos could have been in a wedding photography magazine. To the left of the book was a table of people where you give your money. Only after giving money do you get your food ticket. Eating after the wedding is a common Korean custom, one of the only reasons why people who are not invested in the couple would go.
The wedding itself felt like a grandeur Vegas wedding. It lasted 20 minutes, when it started people were still coming in, someone said stuff over a microphone while they walk up, they each read something off a pre-made card, a slideshow of some pictures of the bride and groom when they were younger was shown, a friend sung a congratulations song, when it was done they went over to each of the parents and bowed and then they staged a kiss. After the first one, they had to do another to get the perfect picture and then it was over. During the wedding, there were two or three people constantly running around the bride and groom making sure they are perfect for the photos.
One of my Korean friends/old-coworker just went to a friends wedding last week and told me it’s the same thing. The procedure is the same, what they say is similar, but she was the friend that sung the song. After it was over they took pictures with the family and the friends on the stage. They chose one of the friends to catch the bouquet while we were on stage clapping, the first time wasn’t good enough for the pictures so they did it again while we clapped. While this was going on the parents of the next wedding were practicing what they’re going to do at the beginning of the runway.
The food was on the second floor and was a giant buffet of all different kinds of Korean food, there were many options and many choices, something for all to eat. It was a shared food hall for all the weddings that had finished around that time, so it was packed.
In order to understand why weddings are like this, you have to understand Korean culture. To me, the reason weddings are like this is that for Koreans getting married is just something you’re expected to do, like getting a job or going to university. For us, marriage is what you hope to achieve with someone you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with, someone you love and don’t think you could live without. I’m not sure many Koreans would be able to tell you what being in love is like. In Korea, most couples are couples not because they love the other person, but because it’s considered weird to be single past a certain age. Someone told me a story of a Korean girl dating a guy for three years who knew she wouldn’t marry him, according to her, he wasn’t marriage material, yet she continued to date him. If you’re a single women foreigner (above 30) you’ll constantly be asked: “are you married?” “why aren’t you married?” “don’t you want kids?” Koreans are infatuated with the idea of being in a relationship, yet many don’t know what it means to actually be in one.
I asked the teacher getting married on the Monday before the wedding if she was excited to get married and she said, “I don’t know.”
Overall, I’m really glad I got to experience a Korean wedding, it was something I heard a lot about and something I didn’t think I’d have an opportunity to actually experience. Another one of my co-workers got married in January, but I was away. However, now that I’ve been to one, I hope to never have to go to another one.